Bizarre Headline: “Super Bowl F-bomb could put FCC in a bind”

Fear the 'F-Bomb'.

Fear the Bomb.

This bizarre headline comes to us from Yahoo! News:

Super Bowl F-Bomb could put FCC in a bind

Let’s take a moment to clarify exactly what’s binding who. Just a little reminder to anyone out there who may have lost all touch with reality: The ‘F-Bomb’ can not bind anything. The ‘F-Bomb’ is a sound that comes out of a person’s mouth. Sounds can not bind things. You hear them, and then they kind of go away. Sounds don’t bind things. People bind things.

So if the ‘F-Bomb’ isn’t binding the FCC, then what is? Why, the officers and agents of the executive branch of government, including those of the FCC itself, are binding the FCC. They are following Supreme Court precedent, and they are doing it at the behest of the members and officers of the Parent’s Television Council, who believe they are entitled to expletive-free television, and who insist that the FCC enforce this alleged entitlement. They are putting the FCC in a bind. The ‘F-Bomb’ is gone. The man who uttered it, not to mention everyone else in the entire world, had already moved on with their lives not three seconds after the bomb had dissipated into the air around it. My revised headline would read more like this:

Parents Television Council complaints could put FCC in a bind,

or, because the FCC has a bit of discretion over which complaints it investigates, simply,

The FCC could put the FCC in a bind.

Make sense?

Besides the FCC and it’s largely self-imposed bind, who else could potentially be in a bind before this is said and done? Why, the Columbia Broadcasting System, aka CBS, over whose equipment the ‘F-Bomb’ was broadcast, could be in a bind. Who would bind the Columbia Broadcasting System? The FCC. How will the FCC bind the Columbia Broadcasting System? With threats of fines backed up by threats of license revocations backed up by threats of force. If that comes to pass, then I would expect to see the following headline:

FCC puts CBS in a bind.

Got it?


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